a personal struggle.

I've realized lately that I am really struggling with things in life that are beyond my control. I'm so afraid to lose my husband and my son. It's always been a fear but it become very stuck in my mind last week when I had a scary incident with Aiden (that all turned out just fine).

We had just got home from the baby sitter's house and Aiden was asleep in his car seat carrier. I decided since we was still asleep I would let him stay in the seat and left him in our living room while I worked in the kitchen. I almost always take him out whether he is sleeping or not but didn't want to wake him this time. After about 30 minutes I decided he needed to be taken out of the seat even though he was still sleeping. As I unbuckled his straps and even moved his arms to pick him up he never moved. Not at all. I said (quite loudly) "hey buddy" as I tickled his belly but he didn't move. It wasn't until I actually picked him up that he began to stretch and wiggle. He was so sound asleep. Through out this 10 seconds my heart stopped. My hands trembled. My face went pale. My whole world was falling apart.

I immediately felt silly for becoming so frightened but his still, little body seemed so lifeless. I sat down on the couch, cuddling my sweet, sleepy boy and wept. I cried out to God, thanking Him for our son. Thanking him that it wasn't time for him to take Aiden from me.

Since then I have become the paranoid mom that I thought I would be from day 1. I'm not only a paranoid mom but a wife as well. I worry about my loves constantly. Whether Chris is at the fire station, sitting in a deer stand, or driving down the highway - I worry. It's not until he is curled up next to me that I have a peace.

This worry is not something new to my life. I was very similar to this as a child. I didn't like staying home by myself (even when I was clearly old enough) and I always thought the worse when someone was running late or something didn't go quite right.

Last night, I shared this struggle with Chris a little bit more. Although he was compassionate to me, he ended the conversation with "there's nothing I can do, this is between you and God." He is so right (and I knew that too). Today I'm trying to dive deeper in to scripture and prayer on this. Here are a few scriptures that are so on spot.
 

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31

Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  Psalm 62:6

They will have no fear of bad news;  their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.  Psalm 112:7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

Having such a compassionate heart can be such hard work sometimes! Any suggestions beyond prayer and scripture? Any personal experience with this? I'd love to hear!

Be a blessing to someone today!

Holiday Delights

How is it that we are already less than 2 weeks from Christmas? I am just amazed how quickly time has flown. I feel like I was just planning our wedding and now we've been married for over two months! So much has changed in the last six months and it will continue to in the time to come!

I have always loved the holidays (as in all Holidays, I'm not replacing Christmas with Holiday) but the last few years I have found my self liking them less and less. I finally have figured out why. I feel like holidays are almost romanticized and they are expected to be perfect. Well... life happens and its not always perfect. Everyone has a different holiday time planned out in their mind and they don't always mesh perfectly. So because of this realization I am determined to fall back in love with the Holidays but in a different way. I am going to work to enjoy every bit of Christmas and New Years no matter what is going on.

Christmas will be spent with the Wescoats and that is going to be fun. I'm really blessed to love Chris's family so much because it sure does make sharing holidays a lot easier! And then I'll have a few days off at home before my family comes to our house to celebrate Christmas before we head down to Seneca to celebrate the New Year with my Dad's family.

I had big ambitions for doing a lot of homemade Christmas gifts this year and well, that hasn't happened yet. Hopefully, I'll manage to get a few done in the next couple weeks. Pinterest has given me so many ideas but I'm just not following through and actually making them.

Although it will be a little bit late to be getting crafty gifts done I am hoping to use a few of my days at home crafting. I really only have three days that will be at home just me so I'll have to take advantage of it. I remember as a child thinking that Christmas break lasted forever! Well, now that its not just waiting for Christmas to open gifts and spend the rest of the time playing with them it sure does go faster!

My third goal is to relax! Which I don't think will be a problem at all!

Hope you are preparing for a nice, relaxing time to celebrate Christ's birth with family and friends!

Be a blessing to someone today and throughout the Christmas season!

weekend and life.

I am so ready for this weekend! Tomorrow we get to see my awesome brother and sisters. We're meeting them halfway for dinner and I can't wait! We all had such a good time over Spring break but it was much to short so this will a nice! We're also going hiking with wonderful friends at my aunt and uncles ranch on Saturday. I'm excited to get out there in the (hopefully) beautiful weather! I am really hoping to get out there and put good use to my camera as well! Sunday brings great joy as well! I have absolutely fallen in love with children's church! It has been so great to get to know these children and learning about another aspect of children's ministry has been a huge blessing too! I've never really been a part of children's church or seen it run so it's all new to me but going really well! Sunday afternoon I am meeting Chris to go fishing and then head to Bolivar to celebrate a wonderful man! One of the ministers at FBC is retiring and I can't wait to catch up with all of the dear people that I miss! Spending the afternoon and evening with Chris is going to be fabulous, we don't even have to wait 2 weeks this time! :) Wahoo! I cant wait! Hopefully, there will be lots of pictures taken on Sunday too! (Chris, I'm sorry in advance but I really want pictures of us)


I feel like I've really grown up over the last few months and definitely over the last year. Maybe that sounds silly to say but I believe its true. I'm not sure when I went from feeling like a college student to a somewhat adult but it's kinda nice and a bit strange all at once. I've gone through a lot of different situations, been through/going through different relationship, and making decisions that can change my future. But guess what, I have such a peace about it all. I was just reminded that worry is a sin and I'm so thankful for the comfort I have in my Savior! I want to make the right choices in life to be pleasing to Him but how great is it that even when I mess up (because "life happens" remember?), He is there to get me back on track. 


~~Thank you Lord for your constant comfort. No matter what comes my way I can turn to you, my friend, my Wonderful Counselor. Thank you for Your guidance through scripture and the ease we have to talk to You through prayer. 

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies. Psalm 18:2-3 ESV

unorganized me.

It's probably a good thing that I didn't stick to my original major in college: management. I'm realizing lately that I can't seem to manage anything well lately. I have always struggled with time management and procrastination. No matter how much I wish it wasn't so.. I. Am. Lazy. I have a lot on my plate right now, but that is NOT a complaint. I am really thankful for each thing that I am involved in and/or responsible for. However, I feel like everything is being done halfway.. I'm really going to try to start planning better.


A couple years ago I was talking to my cheer coach at SBU and she suggested planning everything that needs to be done and putting a time frame on it. My vision for this is to plan my evenings in 15 minute increments or so and put everything that needs to be done in to a time slot. I'm hoping if I plan everything out then maybe the laziness will be conquered and so will my to-do list. Just like my post from yesterday said I really want to enjoy Springtime and fill it with things that I love to do (or think I would love to do if I had the time).


I've started teaching/helping coordinate Kids Worship on Sundays (what a FUN experience!!). This is something that I really want to dive in to and do well with! Stay tuned for more posts about this because I leave feeling so encouraged from those precious kiddos (mixed with a bit of exhaustion as well!) and there are usually a few funny quotes too!

Source

School has become very time consuming lately as well. I'm taking Children's Literature and Administration in Early Childhood. They are intense! I'v never read so much in my life! I'm really enjoying all of these classic children's books though! My administration class is really cool too! I'm basically drawing up plans for childcare facility from the ground up, all the way from floor plans to enrollment forms. This isn't exactly a goal in my life but I am enjoying learning about the process of it all. The really fun part is that we can dream as big as we want and have the facility of our dreams! The funding for the plans can be a dream too... I haven't come up with a plan yet but I'm sure I'll come up with something, any ideas?


I hope you're staying more organized in life than me! How do you stay organized and find time to do the things you have to do plus the things you love to do? I'd love to hear about it!

life happens.

Good morning! A lot of people have picked a "word for the year" that they are going to focus on or work on. I first heard about this from K Love the first of the year. Well I hadn't really planned on doing this or thought about what I would use if I did but I realized that I kind of picked one without planning. My phrase is "life happens." Boy, have I learned this in the last few weeks!

I first remember saying this when I was talking with one of my cheerleaders last fall. She was really struggling to make good choices and was dealing with a lot outside of cheerleading and school that I didn't really even know about. I remember telling her that "life happens" and it gets hard but we have to keep going and work to make choices that are going to help us and those around us get through tough situations.

With the medical issues in my family the last couple weeks, learning to balance two jobs, school, family, friends, and my sweet boyfriend, and trying to plan for the future.. life has been happening and I didn't have time to take it all in! How awesome is it that we serve a God who walks with us through those tough times and the wonderful times when "life happens!"

The LORD is good,
  a stronghold in the day of trouble;
 he knows those who take refuge in him.
Nahum 1:7 ESV

I was so excited when I came across this verse and read  a little bit about it from my beautiful new Bible. How cool is it this?! God is so good to his people and He blesses the ones who trust in him.  He is our absolute protector and never fails in that! God knows us and shows us love and affection.

This makes me think of the song "Everlasting God" by Chris Tomlin. Check out the link to watch a video of it!

I hope this has been encouraging to you! I have been so encouraged the last few days thinking through this and have been so excited thinking about the many ways God has blessed me!

I woke up to the sounds of birds singing this morning! How wonderful! Today is going to be a great day for me! Make it a good one for you too!

Be a blessing to someone today!