a personal struggle.

I've realized lately that I am really struggling with things in life that are beyond my control. I'm so afraid to lose my husband and my son. It's always been a fear but it become very stuck in my mind last week when I had a scary incident with Aiden (that all turned out just fine).

We had just got home from the baby sitter's house and Aiden was asleep in his car seat carrier. I decided since we was still asleep I would let him stay in the seat and left him in our living room while I worked in the kitchen. I almost always take him out whether he is sleeping or not but didn't want to wake him this time. After about 30 minutes I decided he needed to be taken out of the seat even though he was still sleeping. As I unbuckled his straps and even moved his arms to pick him up he never moved. Not at all. I said (quite loudly) "hey buddy" as I tickled his belly but he didn't move. It wasn't until I actually picked him up that he began to stretch and wiggle. He was so sound asleep. Through out this 10 seconds my heart stopped. My hands trembled. My face went pale. My whole world was falling apart.

I immediately felt silly for becoming so frightened but his still, little body seemed so lifeless. I sat down on the couch, cuddling my sweet, sleepy boy and wept. I cried out to God, thanking Him for our son. Thanking him that it wasn't time for him to take Aiden from me.

Since then I have become the paranoid mom that I thought I would be from day 1. I'm not only a paranoid mom but a wife as well. I worry about my loves constantly. Whether Chris is at the fire station, sitting in a deer stand, or driving down the highway - I worry. It's not until he is curled up next to me that I have a peace.

This worry is not something new to my life. I was very similar to this as a child. I didn't like staying home by myself (even when I was clearly old enough) and I always thought the worse when someone was running late or something didn't go quite right.

Last night, I shared this struggle with Chris a little bit more. Although he was compassionate to me, he ended the conversation with "there's nothing I can do, this is between you and God." He is so right (and I knew that too). Today I'm trying to dive deeper in to scripture and prayer on this. Here are a few scriptures that are so on spot.
 

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31

Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  Psalm 62:6

They will have no fear of bad news;  their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.  Psalm 112:7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

Having such a compassionate heart can be such hard work sometimes! Any suggestions beyond prayer and scripture? Any personal experience with this? I'd love to hear!

Be a blessing to someone today!

true love.

Disclaimer: I found something like this and made my own. The idea is not an original from me.

Happy Valentines Day! As much as it makes me happy that I have a wonderful husband that loves me plus great family and friends, I am most thankful that God loved me enough to send his Son to die on the cross for me.

For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whosoever believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

wife of a firefighter.

Being a wife is such an exciting adventure but being the wife of a firefighter is a whole adventure in itself! I am so proud of Chris and his TWO firefighting jobs. He is gone for 24 hours at one station and goes directly to the next station for 12 hours so that means two long evenings by myself back to back. I get kind of freaked out being by myself all the time which is why I am very thankful for our sweet pup Dakota to keep me company!

When I am missing Chris and wishing he was home it really gets me thinking about the other spouses of firefighters that are in the same boat that I am. It sure does help to know he is helping the community and even saving lives. I also think about the military spouses out there who have loved ones overseas for much more than two nights. I absolutely cannot imagine having to be away from Chris for months at a time, praying for his safety all the time.

The phrase "distance makes the heart grow fonder" is so true. I adore Chris and fall more and more in love with him all the time but knowing we have less time together definitely makes us value that time more and more.

Any of you wives that have a husband away for one reason or another I feel for you! How do you cope with the loneliness or adapt to a new routine?

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 18:2

growing with my husband.

I am so excited to share about this new journey Chris and I are taking. We found a devotion for couples at Mardel's a few days back and I can't wait to get started. I was sharing with Chris a week or so ago that I really wanted to find a devotion to do together. He took it on himself to help us find one which really meant a lot to me. The one we found is called Duets: Still in the Word, Still in the Mood. I read the forward on Sunday and it sounds so good. It's about couples of the Bible, the good things and the not so good things. I really like that. It shows us models to follow and also how to get through mistakes that other couples have made and we are bound to make as well.

This is something that is really important to me especially as we not only work on being a Godly husband and wife duo but Godly parents as well. I want our little one to grow up in a home that Christ's love is shown through every aspect of our lives.

I can't wait to continue sharing about this. Thank you Chris for taking this on with me and for being so quick to find the one for us!

devotions.

My dear friend Amy and I have been talking about starting a devotion. Both of us are really interested in doing one that focuses on marriage and being a Godly wife to our sweet husbands. Looking in to devotions is kind of overwhelming because there are so many out there and I feel it is so important to pick the right one.

We are also trying to decide if we are choosing the right subject. Does doing a bible study on marriage exclude others that may want to join in.

I guess I don't have a lot of thought on this right now but if anyone out there reading this has any input feel free to comment! I'd love to hear!

Oh and pray for us tomorrow! We have our first "official" ultrasound to do measurements and set the due date for sure! So looking forward to it!



Be a blessing to someone today!

weekend and life.

I am so ready for this weekend! Tomorrow we get to see my awesome brother and sisters. We're meeting them halfway for dinner and I can't wait! We all had such a good time over Spring break but it was much to short so this will a nice! We're also going hiking with wonderful friends at my aunt and uncles ranch on Saturday. I'm excited to get out there in the (hopefully) beautiful weather! I am really hoping to get out there and put good use to my camera as well! Sunday brings great joy as well! I have absolutely fallen in love with children's church! It has been so great to get to know these children and learning about another aspect of children's ministry has been a huge blessing too! I've never really been a part of children's church or seen it run so it's all new to me but going really well! Sunday afternoon I am meeting Chris to go fishing and then head to Bolivar to celebrate a wonderful man! One of the ministers at FBC is retiring and I can't wait to catch up with all of the dear people that I miss! Spending the afternoon and evening with Chris is going to be fabulous, we don't even have to wait 2 weeks this time! :) Wahoo! I cant wait! Hopefully, there will be lots of pictures taken on Sunday too! (Chris, I'm sorry in advance but I really want pictures of us)


I feel like I've really grown up over the last few months and definitely over the last year. Maybe that sounds silly to say but I believe its true. I'm not sure when I went from feeling like a college student to a somewhat adult but it's kinda nice and a bit strange all at once. I've gone through a lot of different situations, been through/going through different relationship, and making decisions that can change my future. But guess what, I have such a peace about it all. I was just reminded that worry is a sin and I'm so thankful for the comfort I have in my Savior! I want to make the right choices in life to be pleasing to Him but how great is it that even when I mess up (because "life happens" remember?), He is there to get me back on track. 


~~Thank you Lord for your constant comfort. No matter what comes my way I can turn to you, my friend, my Wonderful Counselor. Thank you for Your guidance through scripture and the ease we have to talk to You through prayer. 

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies. Psalm 18:2-3 ESV

life happens.

Good morning! A lot of people have picked a "word for the year" that they are going to focus on or work on. I first heard about this from K Love the first of the year. Well I hadn't really planned on doing this or thought about what I would use if I did but I realized that I kind of picked one without planning. My phrase is "life happens." Boy, have I learned this in the last few weeks!

I first remember saying this when I was talking with one of my cheerleaders last fall. She was really struggling to make good choices and was dealing with a lot outside of cheerleading and school that I didn't really even know about. I remember telling her that "life happens" and it gets hard but we have to keep going and work to make choices that are going to help us and those around us get through tough situations.

With the medical issues in my family the last couple weeks, learning to balance two jobs, school, family, friends, and my sweet boyfriend, and trying to plan for the future.. life has been happening and I didn't have time to take it all in! How awesome is it that we serve a God who walks with us through those tough times and the wonderful times when "life happens!"

The LORD is good,
  a stronghold in the day of trouble;
 he knows those who take refuge in him.
Nahum 1:7 ESV

I was so excited when I came across this verse and read  a little bit about it from my beautiful new Bible. How cool is it this?! God is so good to his people and He blesses the ones who trust in him.  He is our absolute protector and never fails in that! God knows us and shows us love and affection.

This makes me think of the song "Everlasting God" by Chris Tomlin. Check out the link to watch a video of it!

I hope this has been encouraging to you! I have been so encouraged the last few days thinking through this and have been so excited thinking about the many ways God has blessed me!

I woke up to the sounds of birds singing this morning! How wonderful! Today is going to be a great day for me! Make it a good one for you too!

Be a blessing to someone today!

Scripture Sunday

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

  You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

  You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

  Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.

 Psalm 139:1-4 ESV

I have really been struggling with what to write about on here even though I want to so often. A couple times a day I will start writing a post and either delete it or just save it and not come back to it. I like the idea of having a theme for each day, at least for when I don't know what to write about so Sunday will be "Scripture Sunday." I got this idea because today I opened quite possibly my favorite birthday present of all time. I got a beautiful new Bible from my parents. It is a really nice study Bible. I'm so excited to dive deeper in to scripture with more background and references than I've ever had access to. 

So, about this scripture.. I think about the quote "A true friend knows all about you and loves you just the same." God loves us even though we don't deserve it. I have a few notes from Sunday school the other day that I thought of and looked back at. We were talking about God's Grace and the note said "It's not about us; it's because He wants to." We can't make God happy enough to have his blessings, we always fall short, yet He does it anyway! Pastor Chris described it like a dictatorship for good. God is going to bless us even though He knows us inside and out and knows our sinful nature.  The song "I Am a Friend Of God" always makes me smile. How awesome is it that we can be friends, true friends with God?

You definitely don't need my "insight" or commentary on this verse or any I will be posting in the future but this is how it affected me. What about you? 

I'll post a picture of my beautiful new Bible in a few days when I get my new camera in! I bought an awesome Nikon that I cannot wait to receive!! Yay!

I'll be 23 in 18 minutes, yep, I'm getting old! But I'm continually learning that its exciting and there are so many things to look forward to! Here's to a great year as a 23 year old!